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Archive for the Music category
Unless she uses some clever spin
Ok: it’s not what it looks like. With some smart spin, Amy Whinehouse can totally explain the white trimming around her nostril, taken during a concert in the UK in which The Daily Mail reports she would leave the stage, for up to five minutes…
The singer, who has previously admitted to a heroin addiction and once collapsed after a drugs overdose, seemed oblivious to it.
But she provoked concern at the gig after she arrived 40 minutes late on stage, rambled incoherently and disappeared off-stage repeatedly.
One concert-goer said: “She was drinking on stage but disappeared about three times for up to five minutes each time
It could be anything though, really. Amy could use any one of these fool proof cop outs:
1. Claim child like naiveté: “I was eating pixie sticks with some teenage fans back stage thought, if it tastes this good, imagine how good it’d smell…”
2. Theresa-like altruism: “It’s flour. I was baking 50 dozen cookies for under privileged kids and it got out of control.”
3. A plea for sympathy: “I had an uncontrollable nose bleed. This nose plug is the only thing between me and death.”
4. All out denial: “What suspicious white powder?”
Or, she could just say it’s a booger, and call it good. Because we know she ain’t goin’ to rehab anytime soon. No, no no.
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Love means never using the H-word
Nicole Kidman stops short of referring to her year-and-a-half marriage to Keith Urban as happy. The Daily Mail reports:
She told US magazine Interview: “You never know where something’s going.
“My husband and I are committed to each other and deeply in love.”
Told by the magazine interviewer that she and Urban appeared happy together, she replied: “I don’t ever say that.
What does she mean “deeply committed?” That sounds like you’re stuck with an expensive car that you no longer like but you’re in too much debt to the finance company to ever sell the piece of junk. The only thing left to do is park it in a bad neighborhood and hope it’s stolen.
The way Nicole sounds it seems the only thing left for her to do is park Urban near Pamela Anderson and let nature take its course.
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Flattens photog's foot
Britney Three-Point-Turn Spears was back in the news after she steered her ride over the foot of one of Hollywood’s beloved paparazzi. TMZ reports:
With one hand attempting to cover her freshly acquired Jolie-esque lips, Spears attempted to exit the parking lot in her Pumpkinmobile while using her other hand to steer. As she tried to make a quick left, with paparazzi by her side, Spears’ tire ran over our sandal-wearing photog’s foot. Spears stopped the car, trapping our guy for what must have seemed like 4 hours. Ouch!
It’s just the latest in a series of traffic disasters for the porky pop princess. She’s basically al-Qaeda with power steering.
Meanwhile, Britney’s visitation privileges with her kids have been revoked until she complies with an unspecified court order. It’s anyone’s guess what the court order is. But my money’s on mandatory driving lessons
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Or just a really good agent that gets her sweet deals
Jessica Simpson, the acne-less face of Proactiv, will appear in infomercials once again. Page Six reports that the pop star has renewed her one year contract with the skincare company for a whopping $3 million. C’mon, Proactiv! Do we really need insecure pubescent teenagers around the country believing Jessica Simpson once had a pizza-face too? And all she did was rub some chemicals on her cheeks and boom! she’s pretty enough to sleep with John Mayer? (Wait, who isn’t?) She probably had the occasional pimple like every other normal person in the world that likes fast food and pepperoni pizza. That’s like asking Jennifer Aniston to be the spokesperson for Jenny Craig because she dropped from a size 4 to a 0. Man, what a heffer she once was.
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Rapper to get his park maintenance on
Snoop Dogg will put down the microphone and pick up a rake and shovel on his way to a city park near you, if you live in Orange County, California, that is. It’s all part of the popular rapper’s attempt to make amends for being a very bad boy and showing up at the airport carrying a dangerous weapon (collapsible police baton). That little incident ended with Snoop pleading guilty to a felony. According to the Associated Press,
“The rapper, whose real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr., will do ‘everything from raking leaves to painting benches’ in order to meet the 160 hours of community service he was ordered to perform, said his attorney, Donald Etra.”
Park officials are worried about how they will deal with a possible crush of fans and paparazzi while animal rights activists are worried about how they will deal with an epidemic of park squirrels suffering from contact highs.
But don’t kid yourselves. Snoop’s gonna have his work cut out for him. How would you like to spend eight hours a day chasing George Michael and Senator Larry Craig out of the park men’s room?
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And according to loud mouth mom-Lo, make that a double
Toss the Lunesta, folks, it’s time to bid farewell to those sleepless night of wondering whether all the ”bump alerts” were true. US Magazine has confirmed what everyone already suspected (and what no one really cares about)…that J Lo is preggers with husband Marc Anthony’s child.
“Its a dream come true,” a Lopez source tells US. “She and Marc are over the moon.”
This will be baby number one for 38-year old Jennifer Lopez and number four for her Latin lover, who has three children from a previous marriage. Apparently, mom Lopez has spilled the beans, blabbing that the happy couple is having twins, information that the folks over at PETA can only pray is not true. One baby swaddled in endangered fox fur onesies and strapped in a crocodile leather baby bjorn is bad enough. But two??
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Diddy revealed to be the father of his sixth child.
According to paternity tests, Diddy is in fact the father of Chance, the 15-month-old daughter of Atlanta resident Sarah Chapman. Diddy said:
“At first, I wasn’t sure if this was my child,” Diddy added. “Now that it has become clear she is, I will take care of her for the rest of her life.”
Remember that quote. Keep it in mind when Diddy and MTV team up once again to bring us their new hit reality show, “Leave It To Chance.” The show will center primarily around Diddy’s attempts to take his young daughter from the streets and turn her into the next pop sensation. It will be described as a fresh, urban take on classics such as “Citizen Kane” and “Annie” because of how the show tugs at the heartstrings. With the help of his magical assistant, Fonzworth Bentley, Diddy will find out what it feels like… to be the father of chance.
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Pammy Kidded Kid Rock About Kid
Kid Rock told Rolling Stone that while he and Pamela Anderson were married she lied about having a miscarriage so he wouldn’t go to a basketball game but come visit her on the set of a movie. However, he says, when he got there he found her partying. Hey, who wouldn’t party if they found out they were no longer carrying Kid Rock’s demon seed?
Rock was so angry he immediately punched the nearest former Motley Crue drummer he could find.
Pammy says she wishes Rock would simply leave her alone. “After all,” she said, “What else does he want from me? I gave him the very best four months of my life.”
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