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Archive for the Movies category
As 98% of pollers misread the question
According to US Magazine a survey of 600 Americans shows that this kid-obsessed couple is the most popular celebrity ’stume of 2007. What a sad sad Halloween year this is. I mean, there are so many other great costume ideas out there. Baby Jessica just recently had her 20th anniversary of falling into the well. I can’t begin to explain the places you could go with that one. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the stoic pretty couple too good for the universe, exude less humor than an Allstate commercial and have no place at a Halloween rager. I guess if you have a band of midgets on hand…and maybe a fifth of vodka…you could potentially cook up something interesting.
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Love means never using the H-word
Nicole Kidman stops short of referring to her year-and-a-half marriage to Keith Urban as happy. The Daily Mail reports:
She told US magazine Interview: “You never know where something’s going.
“My husband and I are committed to each other and deeply in love.”
Told by the magazine interviewer that she and Urban appeared happy together, she replied: “I don’t ever say that.
What does she mean “deeply committed?” That sounds like you’re stuck with an expensive car that you no longer like but you’re in too much debt to the finance company to ever sell the piece of junk. The only thing left to do is park it in a bad neighborhood and hope it’s stolen.
The way Nicole sounds it seems the only thing left for her to do is park Urban near Pamela Anderson and let nature take its course.
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Rotund character actor kicks mystery habit
Actor John Goodman recently checked out of rehab after being treated for an undisclosed problem.
I wonder if it has anything to do with all those years of drinking body shots from Roseanne Barr’s navel. E Online:
The former Roseanne star managed to keep his rehab so low profile no one knew he was even in treatment until he announced his successful completion of the program.
“For my family and myself, I voluntarily took the necessary steps to remain sober the rest of my life,” the 55-year-old actor said in a statement issued by his publicist, Stan Rosenfield.
Whatever the addiction, it’s understandable. Who wouldn’t want to consume enough chemicals to blot out the memory of being in “The Flintstones”?
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Who?
Anna Chlumsky, 26, was Macaulay Culkin’s little friend who couldn’t save him from the bees in the 1991 tearjerker, My Girl. If you remember this movie you probably feel very very old right now. Anyway, she’s engaged to Shaun So, some Army reserve guy. Why this actually made the news is completely beyond me. But People.com claims it’s number 2 on the Top 5 most read stories of the week. I’d like some documented proof of that. Anyway, People reports:
My Girl fans may be distraught, but Chlumsky says it’s unlikely her old costar Culkin will attend. “I don’t have his address,” she said.
Then she actually goes on to talk about the details of the Catholic/Chinese ceremony. For the love of god, let’s talk about what’s really important here. What do you think dear old Anna is more upset about: the fact that her acting career peaked at age 10 (in a Macaulay Culkin movie no less) or that she’s stuck with either Chlumsky or So as her last name?
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Rapper to get his park maintenance on
Snoop Dogg will put down the microphone and pick up a rake and shovel on his way to a city park near you, if you live in Orange County, California, that is. It’s all part of the popular rapper’s attempt to make amends for being a very bad boy and showing up at the airport carrying a dangerous weapon (collapsible police baton). That little incident ended with Snoop pleading guilty to a felony. According to the Associated Press,
“The rapper, whose real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr., will do ‘everything from raking leaves to painting benches’ in order to meet the 160 hours of community service he was ordered to perform, said his attorney, Donald Etra.”
Park officials are worried about how they will deal with a possible crush of fans and paparazzi while animal rights activists are worried about how they will deal with an epidemic of park squirrels suffering from contact highs.
But don’t kid yourselves. Snoop’s gonna have his work cut out for him. How would you like to spend eight hours a day chasing George Michael and Senator Larry Craig out of the park men’s room?
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And the snaggle-toothed, mullet-sporting rednecks of the world rejoice
Sexy not only came back this year, it was apparently redefined. Esquire magazine has named Charlize Theron this year’s sexiest woman in the world. Because nothing says sexy like an overgrown mullet, teeth that a dentist wouldn’t touch, and a 42mm pointed at your face. But seriously, it is amazing what some make-up, an expensive salon cut, and a monthly gym membership can do. Or what the reverse can do. I mean, if we all let ourselves go the way that Charlize did for her Academy Award-winning role in 2003’s Monster, could we also be this repulsive? It’s a frightening thought. And get ready for an existential moment, folks. Who is the real Charlize? Is she the blond, bronzed beauty who frolicks in her bikini on white sand beaches? Or is she Aileen Wuornos, Daytona Beach prostitute turned serial killer. She’s already proven she can go both ways. Now that is sexy!
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The hoff goes to hoffpital, er hospital
David Hasselhoff has once again succumbed to the evils of alcohol, and once again the devil’s brew has landed his suntanned behind in the hospital. According to E! Online,
“David Hasselhoff’s publicist confirmed that the former Baywatch star was hospitalized Tuesday after falling off the wagon.”
Exactly why he fell off the wagon this time I don’t know. Maybe there just wasn’t enough room on that wagon for both him and Lindsay Lohan. And why doesn’t this wagon have seatbelts?
Anyway the transgression supposedly happened while he was in Europe filming Anaconda 3. Well, mystery solved. If your next big career move involves Anaconda 3, maybe alcoholism is just a matter of time.
And what’s to become of his two teenage girls? He could very well lose custody. Those girls could be on their own, struggling to make ends meet, forced to take jobs babysitting Britney Spears’ kids or worse– babysitting Britney Spears.
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Natalie Portman joins Maguire/Gyllenhaal sobfest.
Variety has a story saying that Natalie Portman signed on to star in the remake of the Danish film, “Brothers.” As reported earlier, “Brothers” is the story of a soldier (Maguire) going off to war in Afghanistan while his brother (Gyllenhaal) stays behind to take care of his wife (Portman) and child (probably one of those obnoxious little Fanning kids).
Spoiler alert! This film is going to make you cry. You don’t need to be familiar with the plot of the original to know. What flags this movie as a tearjerker is the casting of Portman, Maguire and Gyllenhaal, three of Hollywood’s most notorious serial criers. That’s not even taking into account a soldier’s high risk of death in Afghanistan, the potential love triangle this type of situation will cause, or any attempts at sympathetic character development. “Brothers” is less a tearjerker, than a dehydration fatality waiting to happen. Stay safe by making sure to drink plenty of fluids before watching this movie.
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