Archive for the Celebrities category
Zubobo
Flattens photog's foot
Britney Three-Point-Turn Spears was back in the news after she steered her ride over the foot of one of Hollywood’s beloved paparazzi. TMZ reports:
With one hand attempting to cover her freshly acquired Jolie-esque lips, Spears attempted to exit the parking lot in her Pumpkinmobile while using her other hand to steer. As she tried to make a quick left, with paparazzi by her side, Spears’ tire ran over our sandal-wearing photog’s foot. Spears stopped the car, trapping our guy for what must have seemed like 4 hours. Ouch!
It’s just the latest in a series of traffic disasters for the porky pop princess. She’s basically al-Qaeda with power steering.
Meanwhile, Britney’s visitation privileges with her kids have been revoked until she complies with an unspecified court order. It’s anyone’s guess what the court order is. But my money’s on mandatory driving lessons
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Caroline
And the bitches over at Mutts and Moms are not pleased
If you haven’t been following the saga, let me catch you up. Star adopts dog, star’s cats hate dog, star gives dog away to hairdresser (violation of adoption agreement), shelter swoops in to take back dog, star pleads on national television to give it back.  Prime time TNT never saw drama like this! It seems as though the adoption agency, Mutts and Moms, has been receiving death threats from psychotic Ellen fans and yet for some idiodic reason they still refuse to return the dog to the hairdresser’s care. Because sticking a dog back in a cage is way more humane than leaving him at some rich family’s house! Duh!! They agency’s attorney, Keith A. Fink tells Fox News:
“It’s never gonna happen. There is more of a chance that the Yankees are going to win the World Series this year.”
Apparently, the two Mutts and Moms owners just don’t want this dog to have a home…at all costs. Maybe they’re just pissed because the canine’s haircuts cost more than their monthly salary. Or maybe they just really hate dogs and this is just a part time gig while they get their online degree from DeVry University.
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Caroline
Here's to hoping that the kids have hearing problems...
Her Marc Jacobs luggage is packed, her first class ticket booked, and Paris Hilton is gearing up for her trip to Rwanda, where she will do a 5-day charity mission with the Playing for Good organization. Because no one spreads STDs good the way Paris does. Ok Magazine reports:
Paris’ five-day trek to the African country, where she will visit clinics and schools, will be filmed with the hopes of selling it as a reality show titled The Philanthropist.
 I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that Paris is going to be speaking to impressionable young children, or that we may be subjected to it on television. “What’s up children of Africa! I’m here to talk to you about stuff, super fun stuff! Little dogs are super cute and they will totally fit into your Luis Vuitton bag, so ask your parents for one, kay?? Also, when you grow up don’t ever have sex with Rick Salomon if there’s a videotape nearby, that’s really important to remember. Hmm, what else? The Halloween party at Pure is going to be so hot, you should totally ask your parents if you can go. Wait, are there direct flights to Vegas? Try not to sit in coach, it smells bad! Wheeeee! I’m doing good! Byeeee!”
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Guy
But new plot twist makes her more enjoyable than ever
The National Enquirer reports that the California Department of Justice has begun an investigation into the death of Anna Nicole Smith starting on Friday with a raid on the houses of former friends known to have connections to Smith’s prescription drug supply.
“The locations searched today are related to doctors who provided medical treatment or prescribed drugs for Anna Nicole Smith or her associates,” California Attorney General Jerry Brown said in a statement.
Smith’s psychiatrist Dr. Khristine Eroshevich has been under investigation by the medical board was just one of their targets. But surprise, surprise, guess who ended up already being at Eroshevich’s house? Howard K. Stern. The plot actually thickens.
So for all those not up to date on the whole conspiracy theory: Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead had a homosexual relationship, impregnated Anna Nicole, killed her son Daniel, then her in order to inherit all of her money and escape away in a passionate gay love affair. What’s really crazy about all of this is that now it might actually be true. If it is, I hope the irony of Anna Nicole being knocked off for inheritance money doesn’t escape anybody.
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Caroline
Who?
Anna Chlumsky, 26, was Macaulay Culkin’s little friend who couldn’t save him from the bees in the 1991 tearjerker, My Girl. If you remember this movie you probably feel very very old right now. Anyway, she’s engaged to Shaun So, some Army reserve guy. Why this actually made the news is completely beyond me. But People.com claims it’s number 2 on the Top 5 most read stories of the week. I’d like some documented proof of that. Anyway, People reports:
My Girl fans may be distraught, but Chlumsky says it’s unlikely her old costar Culkin will attend. “I don’t have his address,” she said.
Then she actually goes on to talk about the details of the Catholic/Chinese ceremony. For the love of god, let’s talk about what’s really important here. What do you think dear old Anna is more upset about: the fact that her acting career peaked at age 10 (in a Macaulay Culkin movie no less) or that she’s stuck with either Chlumsky or So as her last name?
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Caroline
Or just a really good agent that gets her sweet deals
Jessica Simpson, the acne-less face of Proactiv, will appear in infomercials once again. Page Six reports that the pop star has renewed her one year contract with the skincare company for a whopping $3 million. C’mon, Proactiv! Do we really need insecure pubescent teenagers around the country believing Jessica Simpson once had a pizza-face too? And all she did was rub some chemicals on her cheeks and boom! she’s pretty enough to sleep with John Mayer? (Wait, who isn’t?) She probably had the occasional pimple like every other normal person in the world that likes fast food and pepperoni pizza.  That’s like asking Jennifer Aniston to be the spokesperson for Jenny Craig because she dropped from a size 4 to a 0. Man, what a heffer she once was.
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Guy
Drew Carey engaged to chef, big fat surprise
Everything is coming up Drew Carey. The National Enquirer claims the new host of “The Price is Right” has announced his engagement to Nicole Jaracz, a recent culinary school graduate. Someone who loves money found someone who loves to eat. It’s a match made in heaven. I guess Barker’s Beauties must still reek of Bob’s man-scent.
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Zubobo
Rapper to get his park maintenance on
Snoop Dogg will put down the microphone and pick up a rake and shovel on his way to a city park near you, if you live in Orange County, California, that is. It’s all part of the popular rapper’s attempt to make amends for being a very bad boy and showing up at the airport carrying a dangerous weapon (collapsible police baton). That little incident ended with Snoop pleading guilty to a felony. According to the Associated Press,
“The rapper, whose real name is Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr., will do ‘everything from raking leaves to painting benches’ in order to meet the 160 hours of community service he was ordered to perform, said his attorney, Donald Etra.”
Park officials are worried about how they will deal with a possible crush of fans and paparazzi while animal rights activists are worried about how they will deal with an epidemic of park squirrels suffering from contact highs.
But don’t kid yourselves. Snoop’s gonna have his work cut out for him. How would you like to spend eight hours a day chasing George Michael and Senator Larry Craig out of the park men’s room?
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Caroline
And the snaggle-toothed, mullet-sporting rednecks of the world rejoice
Sexy not only came back this year, it was apparently redefined. Esquire magazine has named Charlize Theron this year’s sexiest woman in the world. Because nothing says sexy like an overgrown mullet, teeth that a dentist wouldn’t touch, and a 42mm pointed at your face. But seriously, it is amazing what some make-up, an expensive salon cut, and a monthly gym membership can do. Or what the reverse can do. I mean, if we all let ourselves go the way that Charlize did for her Academy Award-winning role in 2003’s Monster, could we also be this repulsive? It’s a frightening thought. And get ready for an existential moment, folks. Who is the real Charlize? Is she the blond, bronzed beauty who frolicks in her bikini on white sand beaches? Or is she Aileen Wuornos, Daytona Beach prostitute turned serial killer. She’s already proven she can go both ways. Now that is sexy!
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Caroline
And according to loud mouth mom-Lo, make that a double
Toss the Lunesta, folks, it’s time to bid farewell to those sleepless night of wondering whether all the ”bump alerts” were true. US Magazine has confirmed what everyone already suspected (and what no one really cares about)…that J Lo is preggers with husband Marc Anthony’s child.Â
“Its a dream come true,” a Lopez source tells US. “She and Marc are over the moon.”
This will be baby number one for 38-year old Jennifer Lopez and number four for her Latin lover, who has three children from a previous marriage. Apparently, mom Lopez has spilled the beans, blabbing that the happy couple is having twins, information that the folks over at PETA can only pray is not true. One baby swaddled in endangered fox fur onesies and strapped in a crocodile leather baby bjorn is bad enough. But two??
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