Erin is a starving writer, but that's ok. She doesn't mind eating dog food. She prides herself on her
serious journalist sensibilities. She thinks writing about celebrities is sheer schadenfreude. If you don't
know what that is, here's an example: Say you're walking down the street, two feet behind your friend
(lets say, also, you have a bum leg, walk with a limp, and are seriously overweight). You're mad because
he's walking much faster then you, and he's better looking. Without warning, he steps in a huge pile
of dog shit. You laugh, instantly feeling better about yourself (though you're still ugly and a gimp). That's schadenfreude.
Wednesday, Oct 3rd, 2007 Categories: Celebrities, TV
And I bet LC and the gang fake and bake too
Hold the phone, posted that The Hills just may be scripted. Though I’m shocked really. Acting in L.A? Imagine that.
“ Executive producer Adam Divello watches the footage playback and gives the gals notes between takes. We saw them redo one scene with Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port sipping drinks and talking at least a few times,” E! reports.
I don’t know what’s worse, the girls of The Hills pretending to be real, or the effect these tanned, thin with-the-stress-of-a-taxing-social-life, pseudo celebrities have on high school girls in, say, Wisconsin, who perceive them to be real. If “reality” shows are indeed fake, then by the law of opposites, does that mean real life is getting faker?
Then again, if you’re searching for genuine, L.A isn’t the greatest place to start.
Breaking news: One of Britney Spears’ former security guards Tony “Fat Tony” Barretto appeared in an L.A court on September 17th saying Spears was depressed, might do drugs, and spends too much money. In the recent issue, US weekly reports,
“She has mental problems. With her drug and booze issues, her home is no place for kids to be raised,” said Barretto.
What? Spears might be crazy and drinks too much? This is shocking, really, because I thought shaving your head, attacking paparazzi vehicles with bats, and sucking pacifiers was completely normal behavior. Come on Fat Tony, it’s like you just told us Lance Bass was gay. No shit.
But, I guess cheeto-muching, might-be-drug-doing, suicidal-thought-thinking, she-is-a-sucky-mother-press is better than no press. Her new single “Gimme More” is iTunes’ #3 song this week. It’s also iTunes’ #1 ringtone, and number 18 on “Radio & Records Top 40 National Airplay Chart” according to DMW Daily.
I just downloaded the song now, and, listening to it, I would never call Spears crazy. More like lyrical genius. “Gimme gimme more gimme more gimmie gimme more…” Pure poetry.
Saturday, Sep 29th, 2007 Categories: Celebrities, TV
Sinking Spice by day, Limo-driver by Night
Victoria Beckham isn’t receiving the warm LA welcome she had hoped. After being in the states for over three months, her star isn’t shining as bright as her signature oversized sunglasses may suggest.
Americans, tired of making fun of her TV show and her book, “That Extra Half an Inch” released in America on August 17, are now making fun of her hats. Turning to her for fashion advice would be like trusting a skinny chef to cater your wedding, or hiring a babysitter with a criminal license to watch your kids after school. When dressed like a limo chauffer, its no surprise the public is more apt to ask her not for fashion advice, but rather for a ride.
Her NBC reality show, “Coming to America” which aired on July 16th was cut from a 6-show series to a 1 hour special due to low ratings, and even lower reviews. The New York Post called the show “an orgy of self-indulgence” and described Beckham herself as “vapid and condescending”. And when The Post calls you vapid and condescending, that’s really saying something. Then again, she’s quoted in the UK’s The Guardian telling a Spanish fashion magazine Chic she never reads books. So maybe vapid is the perfect word.
“I haven’t read a book in my life,” Beckham confesses “I don’t have the time.”
In what has to be an effort to disguise her self-promotion with seemingly cute self-depreciating comments, people still seem to find her still more diva than down-to-earth. Some say she’s dumb. Others say she’s desperate and fame hungry. I say she’s just hungry. The woman looks as though she hasn’t eaten in five days. Maybe six. If I don’t eat every four hours, I turn into a heinous bitch. Posh doesn’t need any more accessories or ugly hats. She just needs a sandwich.
According to The Sun, Sienna Miller got in a row with Kate Moss, who allegedly accused her of “stealing her style.”
Though once known for her skinny jeans, unique jewelry and bags that probably cost more than your couch (and your TV and your dining room table, combined) it seems like Miller’s style is more shabby than chic these days, proving you can still dress like a supermodel, but act like a crazy homeless person. The Sun reports in late August, Miller took out her post “Jude dumped me for the nanny” angst on the papparazi, calling them “f***ing rapists.”
“We were just doing our jobs, all we were trying to do was get some quotes on how the opening of the shop went and she called us all rapists. I was quite flabbergasted,” said one photographer.
Though, in all honesty, calling someone a rapist is pretty weak on the spectrum of celebrity meltdowns. Even when preceeded with the f-bomb. Show some class, Sienna. Can’t you just get really bloated, or walk around with-out underpants like everyone else?
NBC plans to launch a new game show mid November called “My dad is better than your dad.” This reminds me of an issue I’ve long wondered: why is it grade school kids, or even high schoolers with the maturity level of grade school kids, don’t make jokes about your dad. Conversely, the popular retort “your mom” gets tossed around like Britney and Lindsay on celebrity blogs. “Your dad” jokes are seldom made, and if they were, they probably wouldn’t be funny.
Case study of said verbal sparing match between two hypothetical school children:
Chubby boy in the cafeteria asking for you twinkie: “Hey, give me your twinkie.”
You, wanting your twinkie and perturbed at this chubby boy who clearly doesn’t need to consume a twinkie, or anything other than prune juice or flax seed:” No way.”
Chubby boy: “You suck”
You: “Your mom sucks”
Why couldn’t you respond with a “Your dad sucks?” Why is it always the moms? You never hear anyone making responding to an insult like “you’re fat an ugly and stupid and no one likes you” with a “your dad is ugly and stupid and no one likes him.” It would never be acceptable, or funny, to answer a “what were you doing last night” with a “your dad.”
So, it seems, moms get made fun of, while dads get to look awesome on primetime TV.
(3 votes)
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