Breaking news: One of Britney Spears’ former security guards Tony “Fat Tony” Barretto appeared in an L.A court on September 17th saying Spears was depressed, might do drugs, and spends too much money. In the recent issue, US weekly reports,
“She has mental problems. With her drug and booze issues, her home is no place for kids to be raised,” said Barretto.
What? Spears might be crazy and drinks too much? This is shocking, really, because I thought shaving your head, attacking paparazzi vehicles with bats, and sucking pacifiers was completely normal behavior. Come on Fat Tony, it’s like you just told us Lance Bass was gay. No shit.
But, I guess cheeto-muching, might-be-drug-doing, suicidal-thought-thinking, she-is-a-sucky-mother-press is better than no press. Her new single “Gimme More” is iTunes’ #3 song this week. It’s also iTunes’ #1 ringtone, and number 18 on “Radio & Records Top 40 National Airplay Chart” according to DMW Daily.
I just downloaded the song now, and, listening to it, I would never call Spears crazy. More like lyrical genius. “Gimme gimme more gimme more gimmie gimme more…” Pure poetry.
Saturday, Sep 29th, 2007 Categories: Celebrities, TV
Erin
Sinking Spice by day, Limo-driver by Night
Victoria Beckham isn’t receiving the warm LA welcome she had hoped. After being in the states for over three months, her star isn’t shining as bright as her signature oversized sunglasses may suggest.
Americans, tired of making fun of her TV show and her book, “That Extra Half an Inch” released in America on August 17, are now making fun of her hats. Turning to her for fashion advice would be like trusting a skinny chef to cater your wedding, or hiring a babysitter with a criminal license to watch your kids after school. When dressed like a limo chauffer, its no surprise the public is more apt to ask her not for fashion advice, but rather for a ride.
Her NBC reality show, “Coming to America” which aired on July 16th was cut from a 6-show series to a 1 hour special due to low ratings, and even lower reviews. The New York Post called the show “an orgy of self-indulgence” and described Beckham herself as “vapid and condescending”. And when The Post calls you vapid and condescending, that’s really saying something. Then again, she’s quoted in the UK’s The Guardian telling a Spanish fashion magazine Chic she never reads books. So maybe vapid is the perfect word.
“I haven’t read a book in my life,” Beckham confesses “I don’t have the time.”
In what has to be an effort to disguise her self-promotion with seemingly cute self-depreciating comments, people still seem to find her still more diva than down-to-earth. Some say she’s dumb. Others say she’s desperate and fame hungry. I say she’s just hungry. The woman looks as though she hasn’t eaten in five days. Maybe six. If I don’t eat every four hours, I turn into a heinous bitch. Posh doesn’t need any more accessories or ugly hats. She just needs a sandwich.
According to The Sun, Sienna Miller got in a row with Kate Moss, who allegedly accused her of “stealing her style.”
Though once known for her skinny jeans, unique jewelry and bags that probably cost more than your couch (and your TV and your dining room table, combined) it seems like Miller’s style is more shabby than chic these days, proving you can still dress like a supermodel, but act like a crazy homeless person. The Sun reports in late August, Miller took out her post “Jude dumped me for the nanny” angst on the papparazi, calling them “f***ing rapists.”
“We were just doing our jobs, all we were trying to do was get some quotes on how the opening of the shop went and she called us all rapists. I was quite flabbergasted,” said one photographer.
Though, in all honesty, calling someone a rapist is pretty weak on the spectrum of celebrity meltdowns. Even when preceeded with the f-bomb. Show some class, Sienna. Can’t you just get really bloated, or walk around with-out underpants like everyone else?
NBC plans to launch a new game show mid November called “My dad is better than your dad.” This reminds me of an issue I’ve long wondered: why is it grade school kids, or even high schoolers with the maturity level of grade school kids, don’t make jokes about your dad. Conversely, the popular retort “your mom” gets tossed around like Britney and Lindsay on celebrity blogs. “Your dad” jokes are seldom made, and if they were, they probably wouldn’t be funny.
Case study of said verbal sparing match between two hypothetical school children:
Chubby boy in the cafeteria asking for you twinkie: “Hey, give me your twinkie.”
You, wanting your twinkie and perturbed at this chubby boy who clearly doesn’t need to consume a twinkie, or anything other than prune juice or flax seed:” No way.”
Chubby boy: “You suck”
You: “Your mom sucks”
Why couldn’t you respond with a “Your dad sucks?” Why is it always the moms? You never hear anyone making responding to an insult like “you’re fat an ugly and stupid and no one likes you” with a “your dad is ugly and stupid and no one likes him.” It would never be acceptable, or funny, to answer a “what were you doing last night” with a “your dad.”
So, it seems, moms get made fun of, while dads get to look awesome on primetime TV.
Contrary to prior belief, Lindsay Lohan actually plans on going through her drug rehab program– all the way. While rumors of an early departure began circulating, Access Hollywood released an email submitted by Lohan’s mom Dina who claimed:
“Not true, staying in Utah.”
Things are looking up for that state. They get rid of Warren Jeffs and extend Linsay Lohan’s stay all in one week. If Utah keeps improving at this rate it might actually attract tourists for other reasons than child prostitution. Maybe skiing. I think I saw that on a license plate once.
Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards pair up for Playboy.
Playboy magazine has its eyes set once again on Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards, co-stars of the upcoming “Blond and Blonder.” The Sun says:
Reports in the US suggest the two blondes have been offered $1million to strip for Playboy… together.
A source told a US magazine: “Neither Pam nor Denise has committed yet, but they’re seriously considering it.”
You better believe Pamela and Denise are seriously considering it. They depreciate in value each year like a used car. A million dollars might seem like a lot, but keep in mind that it’s being offered to these two Playboy veterans in order for them to appear as a package deal. Kim Kardashian, known for nothing besides a sex tape and her gigantic ass, gets away with a super-sized 12 page solo pictorial and only has to show said ass and a single boob.
Let’s face it people, our dear Lindsay could find a bag of blow at the bottom of the Red Sea. Don’t do what Jackass star Steve-O did and just leave it out for her in plain sight. That’s way too easy! She’s like one of those detective dogs that just sniffs it out amidst all the other odors fighting for air space. She’d be a slam dunk new hire for the DEA if it wasn’t such an insane conflict of interest. According to Page Six Steve-O claimed on the Howard Stern show that:
“Lindsay once took a bag of cocaine from him…Lohan took what he called the ‘Boog Suge’ from him after she forgot her wallet in his bathroom and came back to his place to get it.”
The reason I believe this story is because she left her wallet in her friend’s bathroom. Not the livingroom or any other “gathering” room, but the secret place you go to blow a few lines. Better wipe off that white residue from your Captial One card, Lindsay!
Heidi Montag, Lauren Contrad’s archnemesis in Mtv’s The Hills, has finally come forward, admitting to US Magazine that she had her boobs and nose fixed last spring. Why this actually made the cover of the magazine this week still remains a mystery. Montag says:
“I’ve always been insecure about my body…I hated my nose too. I have my dad’s nose, which is huge. It took up so much of my face, when I looked down, I could see my nose.” Then goes on to say, “Right before I went in, I was like, What if I don’t wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don’t care. If I don’t wake up, it’s worth it. I just wanted it so badly.”
So what we can deduce from this statement is that 1) Montag would rather die under the knife than look like her father 2) Montag probably would have benefited from some sort of college degree and 3) the hit reality series is the perfect role model show for insecure girls around America.
Wednesday, Sep 26th, 2007 Categories: Celebrities, TV
Mark
Zac Efron is Normal.
Did you know that Zac Efron dates girls? Or at least he dated one girl. If you didn’t know, then you should pick up “Zanessa” at the newsstand. It’s an entire magazine dedicated to the relationship between Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. Did you know Zac Efron likes video games? He was at the “Halo 3” midnight release at Universal City’s Gamestop handing out copies to customers even though he has absolutely nothing to do with the game.
I’ve never seen anyone try so hard to look normal. Since Efron’s the star of “High School Musical,” I’d wager that Disney somehow managed to create a real life Pinocchio from one of their animatronic puppets. It would explain his lifeless eyes, stiff personality and knack for singing and dancing.
Milana Dravnel reveals story behind De La Hoya photos.
Milana Dravnel tells News of the World that the photos of De La Hoya in fishnets and heels were taken during one of their numerous private sessions. De La Hoya met regularly with Dravnel and some other girls in hotels, on his jet and in his home. They would then engage in his fetishes of role reversal and domination. But despite all the games, the pair did not have full-blown sex. Dravnel says:
“It wasn’t a sexual relationship, but I’m sure it gave him a lot pleasure to be with me… He just wanted a bit of fun, a change from his boring life. It wasn’t an affair.”
Throw in the towel. That remark had enough jabs to knock out De La Hoya and his wife, Millie Corretjer. The only way it could be anymore of a verbal beatdown was if Dravnel said, “These activities don’t make De La Hoya any less of man. He’s still into heterosexual relationships, except, you know, in reverse. He’s still macho.”
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