This just in… Award shows are boring

Associated Press published Nielson Media Research’s official numbers today. Turns out one football game is more important than TV’s biggest night of the year. What’s most pathetic about this? It wasn’t even a good game. The Patriots destroyed the Chargers in probably the most unsurprising game of the season so far. So how did the NFL outrank the Emmys? Because award shows are boring. It’s the same reason your parents didn’t get off work when you got Perefect Attendance in sixth grade. Don’t get me wrong. Trophies are great. They serve a fantastic purpose. You can put them on your mantle and when people walk into your house they instantly know that you’re better than them. Best part, you get to maintain a sense of modesty about it. It’s not your fault someone gave you a golden-winged chick with a sphere. But nobody wants to sit through the ceremony. That’s the best part about winning a huge award. They usher you off-stage to get your drink on. No more Ryan Seacrest or contortionist shadow-puppets.

Here’s my idea: no more Emmy show. Have the damn thing but don’t air it. Just post the winners on on a website. Now let’s think up something that’s actually more entertaining than a lack-lustered football game. Like “Survivor: Kodiak, Alaska.” See, it’s not hard.

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